Friday, 30 March 2012

The Thrill Is Crohn

I haven't been coping well with my disease lately. Mentally and physically. Mainly mentally. For about a month now I've felt as though I'm going insane, angry and sad and fed up with everyone and everything. Normally I'd put this down to a severe case of PMT but this seems more. More focused around Crohn's.
Ive been getting increasingly frustrated at things that I used to just raise an eyebrow at and move on. For example, when people ask "What's wrong?" when they know I have Crohn's Disease. People who tell me to "Get well soon!" - but know I won't get well as it's incurable.
I know these things come from a well-meaning place but they feel to me like yet another wall I can't get over, another mountain I can't climb, another bloody curry I can't eat.
I've come to terms with the difficulty in explaining Crohn's to people, I understand just because I have it I can't assume people on the outside will automatically know the ins and outs. So why, now, am I getting totally furious when people don't seem aware of what I'm going through? It seems I've reached my breaking point, and now I'm there I don't know where to go next. If I keep all this pent up inside I will end up exploding at someone who doesn't deserve it, and if I try to explain how I feel (yet again) I'll feel like I'm slamming my colon against a brick wall.
Crohn's is so hard to cope with and I usually try to remain pretty upbeat about the whole shenanigans, but right now I can't seem to shake the frustration at the lack of understanding and compassion from some.
People need to know what this disease can do to a person inside and out. I can shout about it til I'm blue in the face but it seems many people still aren't prepared to listen.

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