Monday, 23 April 2012

Turn To Crohn #HAWMC

'Health Activist Choice- Write about whatever you like!'

When you have a chronic illness and are in the midst of a particularly rough patch, it's sometimes hard to remember that life still carries on around you. That you are still a fully functioning (albeit diseased) person underneath with a personality and everything.
This was brought home to me a few weeks ago when I felt rotten after dinner and decided to go for a lie down. My partners face fell and he said something along the lines of, "Just remember I'm left alone all night, I hate to see you go through this, but just remember I'm here too"

I'm here too.

This almost made me cry. My very first thought when he said this was 'wow, selfish' - but it really wasn't selfish at all. It was a way of expressing that we are in it together. Yes I'm the one feeling the pain and all that goes with it but he is sharing a life with someone who at times feels like she's living a half-life. Going to bed early to hide away so I don't inflict my misery on him, lying down because I'm in pain and basically making myself more depressed because I'm forcing myself to be alone.
So I'm trying a few new things. A little difference every night or so. When I feel bad I won't go to bed - if I must lie down I'll lie across him on the couch. If I feel I'm grumpy I'll try to talk to him about it to explain why. I'll try not to be alone, I'll spend time with him to allow him the chance to make me laugh or talk to me about his day or anything else in the cosmos to take my mind of it. And for me to return the favour.
You are probably reading this thinking how utterly obvious and basic these things are, but remember with Crohn's pain tends to rule. It takes over everything if you let it, and lately I've been allowing myself to be ruled. And not even in the good 'dominated' way..
No more I tell you! Because if I let that happen I'll end up being left with just me and my disease, and Crohn's and I do not make comfortable bedfellows. It passes wind in bed constantly for a start..

This post was written as part of WEGO health #HAWMC

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