Saturday, 5 January 2013

Crohn Fishin'

It is now, as you may or may not have noticed, 2013. A brand new year.
Aside from spending the next 3months accidentally dating forms '2012' and getting increasingly frustrated, this is usually the time of year we start to look ahead to what we want for ourselves in the coming 12months.
I don't make resolutions. It's not that I have any problem with people who do, I just generally see people getting lost in a haze of pouring alcohol down the sink, spending fortunes on gym memberships and slapping nicotine patches on their arms, (sometimes all at once..), and think that's not for me.
Not necessarily because I am lacking in enthusiasm or will-power, but because I feel there are other things I want for the year ahead : things I want to look forward to, not metaphorically beat myself up for in 6weeks because I haven't lasted that long without a cheeky Baileys.
With Crohn's, your priorities tend to change. Things that were maybe the height of importance to you, post-disease, are now relegated to the bottom of the list.
Take everyone's favourite New Years resolution, Losing Weight..
I am by no means overweight, in fact I'm probably about right for my height and what doctors would consider a "healthy" weight. So I have no intention of trying to lose any of that. I do however want to try and tone up and get some sort of definition on my stomach/thighs. Not the worlds hardest task, but still one that requires a bit of time and motivation. Sorting out my tum is not just aesthetic though, because like most women I'm not and never have been particularly happy with my body. Its also a chance to show the world I'm not in the slightest ashamed of my scar and what i've had to go through to have it there.
I've spent the past few years struggling to eat and maintain a steady weight. At my worst I could fit into a size below a 6 (is size zero even a thing here? if so, I was it). I hated the way I looked, gaunt and skeletal. Clothes hung on me like I was a pound shop clothes horse. This probably helped to confirm my view that there is nothing attractive about seeing a woman's bones through her flesh.
I'm not saying I want to be any bigger than I am at the moment, but I don't want to lose weight. In my Crohnie world losing weight means losing a grip on my health and letting Crohn's creep in. I see my disease at times as a nasty wee piranha nibbling away at the good bits and leaving me with all the bad.
So I don't want to spend 2013 'watching my weight'. I do however, want to go fishing and make sure I keep that nasty little nipper at bay..

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