Saturday, 1 June 2013

Crohn with The Wind

One of my favourite of many beloved Bowie lyrics is; "Don't let me hear you say life's taking you nowhere.."

It resonates with me because I've spent a lot of my twenties in a constant state of panic about my impending future. Filled with endless worry about what little I've achieved in my life and the closer I hurtle towards my thirties that panic has only increased.
In my late teens and early twenties I spent a lot of time complaining that the reasons I hadn't met my then goals were for an inordinate amount of different reasons. None of which were apparently my own fault. I'd mentally blame my apparent failings on countless (imaginary) misfortunes life had bestowed on me; anything to take the blame away from knocking on my own door and in a vain attempt to turn down the heat on the pressure cooker that was my brain.
In reality all this did was make me feel worse as I knew I was lying to myself. 
If you want anything in life only you can make it happen. Outside of the glossy films and teen shows we are subjected to throughout our childhood, 'normal' youths aren't handed the dream job, perfect husband/wife, beautiful house, and the keys to Daddy's mercedes on a platter. But as Bowie so beautifully insinuates, no one wants to hear you complaining about it. Especially when at that age we are still full of so much potential. 

So what of illness? What happens to those heady hopes and dreams when you are told you will be sick for the rest of your life? 
Well, regardless of the age at which you are dealt the 'incurable' blow, the same rule always applies. 
Get. On. With. It. 
You might find whatever 'it' is, is now all of a sudden about 45 million times harder, and you might find you have to alter your ambitions a little (or a lot) to fit in with your new life, but you shouldn't and mustn't ever let it stop you. Illness (especially of the treatable variety) should certainly not give you cause to be 'excused' from going after what you want. Although i'll admit 'being excused' is something you'll have to do a lot if you have Crohn's Disease.. 

I currently find myself in a comfortable position. I still want more from my life, I would say I'm still am not where I always dreamt I'd be, but I'm HAPPY.
All the worries of my life Pre-Crohn's Disease seem utterly juvenile and insignificant when compared to what I've been through physically and mentally in the last few years. That doesn't mean I still don't want some of the same things, because I do, but now that list of Wants disguised as Needs has been scored out and replaced with Health and Happiness
A disease as unpredictable as Crohn's has a way of interfering in your everyday plans, so it's incredibly important you learn to adapt and make the absolute most of the times when you are well. Give yourself amazingly happy memories to enjoy when those times when you are feeling at your lowest ebb arise. Don't complain about what you don't have but embrace what you do. 

I don't feel at the age I am now that I've achieved everything I want to in life. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I'm not sure anyone I know or have ever met, has. Maybe even my beloved Bowie still wants more out of life..
But I know I can do my utmost to get to where I want to be. Disease or not.  
It'll be a huge challenge and probably knock the stuffing out of you trying to get what you want in spite of your Crohn's Disease, but lets face it, if it was easy where would be the fun in that?

1 comment:

  1. Double your age and still not where I expected to be... but my goals and ambitions have changed somewhat,( when crohns disease attacked my youngest child) my life was turned on it's head,health and happiness are now my ultimate aims for my whole family... everything else is superfluous...