Thursday, 27 February 2014

Rage Against the Latrine

When people talk about "fighting" their disease it summons up some great images for me.
Wards filled with patients punching seven shades of the proverbial out of their nasty bits. Lassoing their illness with diseased intestines. Smacking Crohn's over the head with a bumper pack of toilet roll. Etc, etc.
These images are just in my head then? Fair enough.
I don't particularly like the idea of having to place myself in a constant battle against something I can't control. The idea of 'fighting' is so abhorrent to me for many reasons; certainly because I am such a wimp that I couldn't 'fight' so much as a kitten with any great effort, but mainly because I just don't have the energy for it. I'd quite literally be fighting a losing battle.
Now this isn't intended to sound negative, but I've never been one for Marilyn Monroe-style 'inspirational' quotes. I simply don't like the idea of having to spend my life fighting. In reality living with Crohn's is  incredibly difficult. Tiring and relentless, and at the end of each day I generally feel utterly exhausted with it all. I already feel like I've gone seven rounds with [insert name of preferred boxer here] so the last thing I want to do is beat myself up (pun always intended) for not having fought hard enough to get better. The implication is that I somehow want this and am not helping myself, which is never the case. Either point.
Setting yourself up as a 'fighter' is great for some and can be a positive and inspiring message if that's your attitude, but for me it's detrimental - I prefer to focus on being the best you can be DESPITE your illness. When you are well relish it, and when you're not so good take the time you need to get yourself a little better. Don't pressure yourself, or push yourself to your limits because you think you'll be looked at badly if you don't. Anyone who knows how hard it is to live with the condition will understand.

I just feel the idea of 'fighting' an incurable illness is a redundant concept in itself. You aren't going to be able to cure yourself, so why pummel yourself into significance when you inevitably find you can't?
I want to be as well as can be and as healthy as possible whenever possible, but I don't want to feel I have to FIGHT for it. Life is already hard enough without having to compete with my own body. 

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for that. Sometimes I feel guilty not "putting up a stronger fight" but frankly it's exhausting living day in and day out with the crohns and it's symptoms. Most days I'm just proud of myself for making it through at 70%.