Sunday, 22 March 2015

Be Mine(r)

I’ve had a great weekend. I’ve barely thought about my disease in the whole 48hrs! A first! 

Ok so since you've twisted my arm, I'll admit that I’ve felt pain in my gut when eating dinner on the date my beloved took me on. 
And yes ok since you strapped me to this lie detector machine, i will say I’ve felt exhausted and achy from walking around town and from just being ‘social’. 
Ok fine, and since you've begun water boarding me [is all of this entirely necessary?] I'll admit that I’ve felt anxious at eating more than one piece of gnocchi incase my intestines pulled together and made a suicide pact. 

But other than the aforementioned, this weekend has been filled with fun, laughter and love, and aside from feeling like I’ve run 5 marathons with Hulk Hogan on my back, I feel pretty refreshed. I have a clear head and feel more positive than I have in a long time. I'm not entirely sure why that is. I can only assume it's because I've been active and spent time with people I love and not had to spend every waking minute thinking about my illness. A happy relief. 

I do appreciate that I still have to make some big decisions on my next Crohn's treatment soon. Something I'm decidedly anxious about as it's uncharted territory. Up to now I've been ordered - given a prescription or (often literally), spoon-fed my medication. I've been blindly following my doctors orders as they know best, but now it's in my hands as to what I do next. 

It's somewhat invigorating though. 

I have been actively researching my possibilities and it's all a bit of a whirlwind. What one can do the other can't, what one helps the other hinders, etc. I also have to think long term, as I'm a woman (yes, I know it's hard to believe) and my womanly bits are of some concern; some medications may affect my chances of pregnancy, my fertility, and as I'm already in my early 30's I'm not sure I want to have the idea of having a human exit my vagina taken away from me entirely. I'm obviously referring to a potential baby there. And those Chilean miners. What a couple of months that was. 

Anyway as we face dreaded Monday morning, I'm feeling pretty good about my future and feeling better in my cranium seems to encourage me to push on in all areas of life. My illness is difficult to deal with at the best of times, and finding the balance between giving my poorly body the attention it deserves and pandering to it, is still a tricky tightrope for me. 

I'm slowly learning it's ok to come out of my misery-cave when I'm unwell, and much like those Chilean miners, I know there are people out there in the world who care and will to fill me in on what I've missed. 
It's important not to let your disease consume you. A valuable lesson I'm learning a day at a time. 

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